we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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