Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
