he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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