So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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