things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
