Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
