the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
