I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
