Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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