"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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