At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
