I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize