Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
