My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
