Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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