he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
