Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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