I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
my phone needs a breathalizer
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My bed smells like the plague
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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