There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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