just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
