I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
