so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
