Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
