I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We're like a lot better than the average bears
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
