something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
