How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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