Can Purell be used as lube?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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