the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Vodka?
Forever.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i think i just lost a toe
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
