so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Holy shit dude........stairs
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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