I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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