Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize