Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
