I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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