tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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