Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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