I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
