I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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