Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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