I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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