I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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