I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
