I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
