I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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