i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
