so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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