The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
