i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
