i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
