I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just blew my weed a kiss
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
