My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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