Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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