I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i wish my penis had a tongue
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
