It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
