you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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