just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
