My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
