you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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