you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
