I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
