Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
