the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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