It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
