no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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