So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
