hell yes lets make some ravioli
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Randomize
