i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
