I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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