I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
