remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
