She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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